Day 215: HAPPY NEW YEAR !!!!

Well its the begining of a new year. 2008 was really my year. I was blessed to finally have gotten a residency spot after trying and suffering for so long. MOst of you already know my story, if not, just check on the links and their's a blog I made explaining it. I'm very grateful to God for all the goodness he has shown me. Every morning on my way to the hospital I throw a prayer in my mind thanking him for all his goodness and blessings. There was a lot of darkness in my life and he has poured out his blessings on me. I still have difficulties and trials, but they are
different from the ones you are going through, and especially different if you still don't have residency. Not only has God blessed me with getting residency but he has also giving me a great and caring wife who I love and who I owe a great deal to. I will right about her in a separate Blog.

Well a lot has happened since I last blogged. I tol you about the hurricane that erupted in the residency program.there was a lot of people hurt and feelings were hurt and their was a lot of misunderstanding, but I have good new to report, that all is well now!! I told you that their was a misunderstanding between a group of residents (including me!!) and the program director and staff. Well I really felt bad about what happened and I went home that day and decided to right the program director a letter. I spend a few hours composing and editing it. This is what I wrote to her:

Dear Dr. ______

I wanted to write this personal letter to you so that you would know how I feel about the discussion that has been going on. I first want to say that I really appreciate everything you do for us. I would also say that all the residents appreciate all the work you have done. You are very special and dear to us. A lot of times we don't hear or find out how others truly feel about us, but I thought that you should know how we feel about you. I have only been in your program a short time , but I have heard nothing but praise about all that you have done in the program.All your hard work and dedication is appreciated and well known. Many, if not all of the senior residents who havebeen in the program a long time always shower you with praise whenever your name comes up in a conversation. Many ofthe senior residents believe the program has changed significantly since you took it over and are very happy withall the changes.. And you deserve all the credit.

I believe that the goodness that we do in our life is carried on for eternity. The goodness and love that you showered on me , I will give to others and they they will give to someone else. Your kindness and thoughtfulness are appreciated and we carry them to those whom we come in contact.

When all is said and done, and our lives are finished, when we look back what we will rememebr will be moments.Moments in which we touched and better the lives of those around us.When I look back on my life years from now I will rememebr the moments that you made special, and the moments of the lives that you made better by your presence.

You have touched our lives in a special way. And we love you for it.

Residency is a one in a life time experience, and it is our fortune to share that experience with you. I believe that the goodness and greatness that we acheive in life is a measure of the individuals that surround us, and we are fortunate to be surround by you. We can bare the trauma and pain that sometimes life offers when we our sorounded we people that lift us up. And you truly lift us all. You make the enormous stress that we are on bareable. You have made our lives on this earth easier to live with, and we appreciate you greatly for this, and love you for it.
I think you needed to hear this. I have been meaning towrite this note to you.

Perhaps a small part of goodness came from all these stressful times. Difficult situations have a way of showing different sides of people. Although they might show the bad parts of people, they can also show the good. Bad times can also show you who is by your side and who will not abandom you. And I want to say that we are on your side. We are with you, and we would not
have it anyway.The program that you have built is very special, because you are special. You cannot give someone what you have not recieved, and you have a lot of goodness and love that we have recieved, and we thank you for that and appreciate it.

good luck the rest of the year.

with Love

Dr. _______


Let me tell you guys, man I was praying this letter helped calm the situation. the day I gave it to her was on thursday- my clinic day, I I was heading out of thehospital to go to clinic when I ran into a second year resident. SHe looked at me and said "mike, what did you do?" I was like "listen this entire thing got way out of hand. Can you beleive that their upset with me and the other residents. But can you believe me? I hate fighting and arguing with people." She was like "I'm gonna go talk to her about it" I then told her "I went home and wrote her a long letter,and I'm probably gonna see her when i come back from clinic". she was like "ok, I'm gonna go talk to her."

Well that same day I went to clinic. And man was I nervous. I had a sense or maybe I just made it up in my head that everyone knew about the arguments we had. I was nervous all day in the clinic. then about 1 hour and a half later I got a call from the second year. She was like "I spoke to her and she was really happy about your letter. She said she spent an hour reading it twice she was so happy. And I also told her you meant no harm and that you wanted to stop the fighting that wad going on etc...." I was so relieved to hear this. Man I was glad it at least helped to quench all the bitterness. Looking back on it. I think the program director was in a lot of stress and had a lot of problems to deal with this year, and it was her first year as program director and with the ACGME accreditation of the program in limbo this year. But thank that is all behind us. the following day I went in to her office and spoke to her and she was find. Looking back I realized that there was a lot of stress, but also I realized that this open door policy that administration has with residents is a good and bad thing. SOmetimes you have a good relationship with people and you feel like they are yoru friends, so you talk to them about your problems and letthem know your frustration, but a lot of times that back fires, because the program director is stressed as it it,and the chief resident is also stress because he is hearing ten complaints a day. SO you can imagine the sitatuion.Every second the chief is hearing from a resident, but the reason that is is or WAS this way in this program, isbacause you gain a comfort level with people. you view them as friends and friendly people, so it back fires when it gets too much. needless to say after all these problems I decided for now just to lay back and saty quiet. I don't plan on ever complaining or talking to the chief about any concerns or problems until maybe the next chief resident comes a long. I just think sometimes its better just to stay quiet and just listen and not raise y oru voice to much, beacsue people just misunderstand you. I think this feeling has spread to the other resident. Most of them realy don't say anything or complain, and now it will be even more quieter. I also plan- when I go back to the hospital (on vacation month of january)- to right a letter to the vice-president and president of the hospital complementing the program director for the extrordinary work she has done in the program. I will sign in only as resident to keep it private.

All in all, it still a good program, i just thnk the stress of the sitaution was just too much and people were hurt. But I think all is well now..lol. At least I'll hope. I'll let you guys know is I received retribution. About my program - it was in probabtion for some citation from the ACGME, but we had the site visit and it went really good! I think we will recieve 3-4 years accreditation easily. It was really stressful but was a great meeting. The way it works was that. the residents all nominated who they wanted to represent them in the ACGME meeting. We all voted privately and 12 people out of the 30 residents were chosen. 4 from each year. And I was one of them! Then this 12 are chosen to have a special sit down with the acgme person and she ask us questions about the program. the reason this program had trouble last year, was because the previous residents were not happy with the program and were complaining to the site visitor. Can you believe how thises people were that they were complaing to the site visitor about hte program? The bad part of that was that they almost sunk themselves. I don't think its wise. They are bashing the program they represent. When they graduate they are graduates of that program. If You put down the program and training , then you are putting yourself down, because youwere part of it. If you build a bad reputation of the hospital then you are part of that reputation. Last year because if the bad visit, the residency program was given about 17 citations, one that also said the resident lounge of the program was poor...lol. Can you believe that was a citation? ANyways, this time around was completly different, we laid it on nice and thick and sweet !! When the visitor asked me what I like about the program I said something like

"In life to do something special, you need to be sorounded by special people. We laugh we cry and we pray together here. We are a family. This place and program is very special to us."

The site visitor was impressed. she was like "wow". lol. anyways was really good and went very well. We were all happy. Anyways, we also had a christmas party with all the staff and residents it went very well (I hae pics and videos I wish I can post but I can't because I want to remain private for now). I also made a special slide presentation for the residents and program. I put music in it. It was very nice. At the end of it people were crying and so was I. I though it illustrated the heart of the program. I tried to capture the moments.

Last month was also bitter sweet for me because one of the attendings I loved left the program. Because of the economy her husband had returned to his country and she had to also. I made a tribute to her on the slide show and people were crying, but that was nothing compared to what happen when we through her a party- a farewell. Some chosen people stood up and made comments, i didn't want to stand up, but something told me to stand up because I would never again have the chance. I don't remember exactly what I said because I started crying as I was talking. You see this attending was really helpful to meet at the start of residency. I was really nervous and had no idea what I was doing, but she took me aside and said

"I see a lof of potential in you. You are going to make a great doctor one day. Forget about the notes worry more about the patient."

and I tell you these few words changed my life. And I said a lot of nice things about her. I started cryig and so did the other residents and doctors it was bitter sweet. We bought her a gift to take with her. This is the letter that I wrote to her:

Jaunuary 5, 2009

Dear Dr.____

Writing this letter to you is bitter sweet. On the one hand it’s a good thing to thank you for all the
goodness they have shown to me, but on the other hand it is painfully hard to say good bye to you. I’m not sure if I could have told you all this in person because it just hurts too much. I wanted to thank you for the few words of encouragement you gave me at the start of the residency year. You don’t know how much I appreciated your positive words.

Very seldom in life do you meet people that choose to care and people that choose to be positive. The world cries today for lack of people that help it or lift it up like you do. You will never know how those few words of encouragement meant to me. A little goodness goes a long way. And thank you for showing it to me.

I wanted to thank you from the bottom of heart. Thank you very much for taking the time. Thank you for caring. You didn’t have to, but you did, and I’m very grateful. In these difficult times and life we all need to meet people that life us up. People that give us the strength to carry on, and you are that person for all of us. You are like the lone star that lights the darkness.
It’s the small unexpected things that you do in life that have a lasting effect. Just a bit of caring and a bit of wanting to help make’s a profound difference. And I think you have made that difference at capital health. And the effects of your goodness will be seen for a long time.

We have all been fortunate to have met you.

Thank you for everything. Thank you for believing in Us.

I believe God uses you to help better the lives of those around you. And you have better our lives by your presence.You will always be remembered. You are the greatest. May God bless you wherever you Go. You and your family.

Thank You…
You will never be forgotten.

With Love

Dr.M____

Overall was a nice day. but was very painful to see someone that helped me out so much leave. What I told the residents that day in her farewell meeting is what I would tell you. IN Life-God places special people in your path that help you to achieve what your purpose in life. God uses them to bring light to your life. By their words and caringness they tell you things that inspire you to grow and to become someone. They motivate you and change you. Their presence is a blessing to everyoen around them. THey are like the sunshine that is needed on a cold day.
They life up instead of destroying. Its important in life to be sorounded by positive people. a lot of times in life you need uplifting and a few people you meet will do that. I'm been fortunate to be sourounded by only a FEW, but that is ok. Not everyone believes what you believe. THis world had a lot of negative people, but it also has positive ones. I advice you in this trying times of your life, while you struggle to get somewhere in life, suround yourself with positive people. even if you only have 1 or 2 people. Stay cose to them. Talk to them. they will lift you up. I'm blessed especially to have a great wife who has helped me tremendously, she is a gift sent from God to
me. she helps me out a lot. With out her help and strength I would not be.

Good luck to those in the match. Don't give up. Keep trying. Your primary goal in life is "not" to be a doctor. Yur primary goal in life is to better the lives of those around you, be it in medicine or somethingelse. NEVER think that your life has no meaning or is not worth it, if you dont become a doctor. You are meant to do good in this world. And God will guide you in doing that. He can make the impossible possible. He can lighten yoru darkness. He has given u his son Jesus who is our strength and light on this world. Lean on Jesus when do going gets tough. Don't give up. study hard. Good Bless you.

Jesus loves you

Dr.Mike

p.s Download free copy of one of My favorite books
"Desire of Ages" Here: http://www.highfields.org.au/desireofages/

Please also subscribe to this blog so you can be alerted of the next blog.