Day 41 A message to those who Didn't Match

I can still remember the day following the scramble. It was perhaps one of the most disappointing days of my life. Seemed like all the hard work, all the sweat ,blood, and tears that I had gone through for so many years was all one big waste. Your also left kind of confused and dazed. Your really not sure what just happen. In my second match I had gone to about 9-10 interviewes and had even traveled out of the state. So I was expecting to match. When I received the email from the eras simplying stating: You did not Match, I was almost numb. I coudn't believe it. I just stood there sitting at my computer quiet. Not sure what to do. It was early in the morning too when I found out, and I didn't even have time to think about it much because the scramble was to start soon. So me and my wife stood up all night and day trying to figure out which hospitals we were going to call. The scramble came and went. And it was perhaps one of the toughest days of my life, but however, not all was a waste. The day of the scramble I was invited for one interview at a hospital. I had called them during the scramble, and they had wanted to see me. So me and my wife got dresses and took the car, and went to go see the program. They interviewed me for a few hours. And i think they almost were about to choose me, but at the end it was a NO. I still remember like it was yesterday. It must have been around 7pm at night. My wife was waiting for me in the hallway. The program director saw me and my wife at the end of the night. She said I will call you tomorrow. I had a feeling I didn't get it, but I sensed that she didn't want to tell me right their. And just as we were walking out of the center she said " you know we really debated giving you the spot. We just wished that you had more clinical experience. We have one girl here that had done some clinical externship. you should really look into that. "

Those few words changed my life. After that the next few days. I sat and spoke to my wife and told her "can you believe how close we got. They were gonna take me...unreal.. Now what do we do? I think we have to find one for those externiships. There really is no way out of this." My wife did some snooping around and I did the externship. 8 months later, by God's grace I was signing a pre-match offer. Now, before you run off to those extership places. Let me just tell you that this is my story. Every one is unique, and every program is unique. I was definetly blessed this year when I was able to pre-match. But I don't really credit myself. Their are a few ways to get into residence and I just chose one of them. I'm a big believer in God. I believe that it was my destiny to be a doctor. And if it is your destiny, then nothing will stand in your way. I believe that if it is really your purpose to be a doctor, then you will become a doctor. We all have a path and a destiny. If being a doctor is what you are meant to be, then nothing will stop it. Offcourse this implies that perhaps no all of us are meant to be doctors. However, this doesn't mean you failed at life, or that you are less of a person. You didn't waste all thise years in medical school. Your life can still have purpose and meaning. True happiness and purpose comes from God and comes from spending a life in the service of others. It comes from allowing to be led by God. Wether that means being a doctor or something else. I've only ever wanted to do the will of GOd. I believe that jesus guides my path. And if he does, he will take me to a peacefull place and a happy life. Wether that life is spent being a doctor in care of others or being a janitor. I believed that- I will work the hardest I could, and at the end of all the hard work and effort- if being a doctor is what I'm meant to be, then it will happen. If it doesn't happen, then something else will. Something else that will also give your life purpose and meaning. How else can you
explain some people facing impossible odds, with low scores, hardly a contact, but yet getting a spot. Someone once emailed me and asked, "if it was God's will, then why did you keep on trying. when do u stop trying?" and my response, is what I'm telling you now. I was going to try everything I can, and work the hardest I can. If after all the hardwork, it results in me getting residency- great, if not, then I'll move to do something else that is meaningful and would give my life purpose.

If you have failed year after year getting into residency, then fix your mistakes. try to correct your weaknesses. After you do all that, if it happens that you don't get residency,it doesn't mean you are a failure. At the end of the day you want to go out and give it your all. Give it all you got. If you don't succeed it doesn't mean your a failure. It means that there is another purpose and another meaning out their in the world for you. all your hard work, was not a waste. The knowledge that your learned can still be used in bringing hope and help to others around you. For now, don't give up! Tell yourself "ok, lets do this!! Let me give it all that I have all that I can will." And if you find yourself in pain and hurt, just remeber that you are not alone. God is there with you. YOu only have to call on the name of Jesus. He is their for you. He is their to comfort you.
The pain that life gives can not be eliminated by trying to forget about it, or by trying to intoxicate yourself with something. the bible says that jesus came to heal the broken hearted. Let God mend your broken heart. Fall on the face of Jesus. He will give you life meaning and purpose and will give you the strength to carry on. Only someone that can read your thoughts and "look" inside your heart can truly understand what you are going through. Perhaps that person is God. Perhaps that person is Jesus. God can give you peace. Peace that is not like the worlds. Lean on God and he will guide you. If you are meant to be a Doctor than ask GOD for guidance and strength. If you don't believe in GOd much, or you really don't believe anything I'm saying then thats fine. But what do you have to lose. God calls those who are in pain and who are weary to come to him. He doesn't judgde. Even is you don't have much faith in God, what does it cost to go to your room and close your door, and get and your knees and pray to GOd and ask for hel and peace. Ask him to help you to deal with this pain you feel of not being a Doctor. The pain you feel that you have failed by not getting residency. OPen your heart. jesus wil not judge you. God can give you peace. He can give you the yearnings of your heart. Keep you head up. You can do this. I say all this because, God has given me peace. When the impossible becomes possible and you start seeing the workings of God in your heart, then your heart will be filled with belief in Jesus and God. Belief that your special and that God hears you. Don't give up my friend !! you can do it!! Study hard keep your head up. Lean on GOd. Jesus Loves you.

God can freely give you Peace. just ask him too.

You are NOT ALone!

Dr.Mike

Day 21: First Year Resident Drops out

Well today while we were rounding, the chief resident came and met us, and told us that one of the first years had dropped out, and that their was a spot open. Within the same hour of her droppping out, there were already people calling and asking for interviews. I couldn't believe it. We were shocked. she had come from another country and had already done her residency. It was kinda shocking. She was very timid and shy, and she never really spoke to any of us. So no one really knows what happen. One guess was that she had a problem with the language. When the nurses would cal her, she would tell them to please page the senior. At least that is what someone said. She also had some trouble at home. She was a single mother raising a teenager. And that is never easy. So I hope that she is ok. It must have been really devastating for her. You spend your entire life to get here. And then you are not able to finish. Its really tough. ANyways hopefully she will be ok. THe program said that they are going to go back to their match list and choose the next few persons on the list. This year they pre-matched about 5 of us and use the match for like 3 of us. Out of the list of 50 people on their list, seems the program only used the first 6. So the list is very long. drmike

New replacement Resident

Well As fast as the word went out that their was a free spot. They were able to fill it up. They chose a person (male) that had already done an observation at the hospital. Boy that guy was happy. He said that last year he had only gotten 1 interview, and that was from this program that he did an observation with. Geesh, its almost unreal. But seems like some people are very lucky and blessed. MOst programs do not accept observership these days, and bad news is that some states NOW,only allow actively enrolled students to do observership. This will cause a lot of IMG's to not be able to do observership. I think they said it has to do with legal issues and stuff. NOt sure, but when i heard that you have to be a student to do observership, I couldn't believe. Its not fair. In the hospital there are like 3 students that I have seen that are doing rotations. This hospital that I'm doing residency also is keen on people doing research. The guy that got residency went and did some reasearch and had a publication, so that was also a key that helped him get the spot. I suspect that it was only a minor point. It was already around the 2-3rd week, and the program realy needed someone that knew the hospital. It really helps to have someone that knows the hospital, because their really is no time to teach someone where everything is. The program wnated someone that was ready to go, and he was it. Before you run off to do observation, remember, each hospital is different. SOme programs, don't want observationship, or research. SO don't think this sitaution applies to every program. Programs, are very particular, and others are not. Its your reponsibility, to find out what the program you are applying to wants. Sorry for the short update. BYe
GOd bless
Dr.Mike

Day 19: Dr. Devil

Across your time in the wards and floors you will most likely meet people you will seldom remember, and others you will NEVER FORGET !!! ( lol). Let me introduce you to Dr.Devil (not his real name. But thats what I will call him) He is one of the Attendings in the hospital. He is an infectious disease specialist. He is one of the most feared and disliked doctors in the hospital. Yet he is probably the most loved doctor according to the patients. Basically this guy treats all the interns and residency like crap when he wants to, but treats the patients like they were his own children. Ironically he is one of the most beloved doctor accoring to the patients I have spoken too. Let me tell you how I met Dr.Devil. It must have been my first week in the wards, and I was my happy and excited self. I was introducing myself to every attending I saw, and waving and greeting all the staff and nurses when I saw them. I was like a little kid in the candy store-Happy that I was fullfiling my dream. Needless to say, I think some of the nurses smelled blood, when they saw me. (lol) I was like a lamb put in the lions den. I guess I was too friendly with the nurses and some doctors. I think the nurses when they saw me were like "who the hell is this happy go lucky young doctor? Damn, he is annoying as hell". Needless to say it didn't take long for me to realize that you have to be a nice person, but you have to be serious and assertive, or SOME nurses will step all over you, and not take you serious. I think I even had nurses that started giving me orders! lol. Anyways, back to Dr.Devil. So here I was, Dr. marry poppins, "singing" down the hallways of the ICU, when I met Dr.Devil. He was called into an Infectious disease consult into one of the patients I was 'in-charge" off. I notice that he had pick up the chart and I immediately went over, and introduced myself,. He just looked at me and walked away. I didn't think anything of it, but I has a sense I was going to be in trouble the next 5 minutes. He then started reading the charts and turn to me and asked what was the O2 sat on the patient. I had a bunch of papers in my pocket with some labs that I had written out, and I took out my crumbled stack of papers in front of him and started muffling through them. All I could say was "UMM.. UMM". While I was going through this paper, and while my heart began to panic, I notice the expression on his face changed. MY goodness you should have seen it, if he had any magical powers, I think he would have thrown a bolt of lightening and torched me on the spot. I kinda felt like he was about to stab me. I have never seen anyways so pissed off, and this was without him even saying a word!!! (Lol) Man, while all this was going on. One of the senior residents looked over, and saw my expression, and since she was the senior on the floor she came real fast and started talking to the doctor in attempts to stop him from blowing out my brains and stabbing me with his pen. Man I have never been so nervous. I didn't know some of the labs by memory, and was kind of scared. Thank God for the senior that covered my back. She told him "I will check the chart. I will look at the labs, give me one second." By the way he was also chewing gum. And man, was he chewing it hard...lol.. Anyways I stood right behind him and the senior and I tried to find a hiding place but couldn't, and he left the ward a few minutes later. I was saved by the senior. I will never forget this senior’a help, and she didn't even seem to friendly either. But since that day I was thanking her every minute. Anyways, fast foward a week later, and then I saw Dr. Devil again. He was on the case of this other patient, who had been seriously sick, and no one really knew what was going on for her. I was on call again. It was Saturday. But this patient was actually HIS PATIENT !! I still remember when I saw him this second time. I almost crapped in my pants. I was going to walk away, but my senior grabbed me and said, lets go talk to DR. Devil. Boy, if this guy had known what he was gettinghimself into. It just happen that, this day, DR. Devil was REALLY in a bad mood. He started looking to the chart and started screaming "do you guys know what the hell you are doing?" He said at my senior (3rd year) "What the hell are you people doing? what do you think this is? nigeria? This is not how you practice medicine !" (the senior just a happen to be african american by the way) Man, you should have seen the seniors face, and the nurse that was standing next to me, when he said it, and it was the way he said it. "What do you think this is? africa? " Man, I was shocked. He then went on to sift through the chart and insult the orders that had been given. He even insulted his own note, without even knowing it..lol he was like "why is this patient on anti-biotics? oh, you don't know... ok.." So he then went on and wrote in the chart stop all antibiotics: due to the fact no one knows what the hell she is on them for. After he got up from this trashing of me and my friends and the medical staff, he went to another patient that he had on the other side, and he took her off her antibiotics too and he also took another patient of their antibiotics. Basically, anyone that was on the floor that day, he took off anti-biotics. Man this guy was on a tear. He then asked my friend "who is covering the ICU? My friend said it was Dr.Tina (fake name) He then said, "well call tina and tell her that I'm coming !! and get ready !!" While all this was going on I went to the phone on called Dr.tina. When I told her that Dr.Devil was looking for her she was like "what?.. huh? he's looking for me.... ummm...ummmm.." She was like "are you sure?" (lol) I was like "yeah he's right here he wants to see you. She was like "ok" (she said it with a really sad voice by the way. After I hung up with her, my senior went up to me and said "you didn't call dr.tina did you?" I was like "umm.. yeah. I'm sorry. I didn't mean too" He put his eyes down a bit, he looked worried and said "its ok, lets go" So we went over to the ICU. By this time I was walking 5 steps behind. Trying to stay out of the fire. When he walked into the ICU, Dr.tina was their holding her papers looking very nervous. I told myself 'man, this girl is gonna get killed." however, due to my surprise dr.devil sensed the fear in her, and decided to take it easy an her, being that he already released his fury on the other senior, who looked like he just ran the new york marathon. Anyways, the rounds ended, and Dr.devil took off. Later that day, my friend spent the next few hours in shock and disbelief. He was like "he never ever talked to me like that. I have known him for years, and he never treats me like that. he treats everyone else like that, but never me." (lol) I was like "well it was your turn today." Ever since that day I just stay away from most attendings. I give them space and try not to smother or be overly friendly. But this story doesn't end here. you should see Dr.Devil with the patients!! It’s like he's an angel sent from GOD. He puts his hand on their shoulders and counsels them as they were his own kids. He spoke to one of the patients who was their for alcohol intoxication "what the hell all you doing. Your gonna hurt yourself. Look at your self, you don't want to live like this. We are here to help. you have to clean up your life. You have a sickness and its not your fault. I want to help you and you have to let me help you." when he talks to the patients, they are almost crying because they feel relief. I couldn't believe it, when I saw it. I was shocked. And for the next few weeks when I hear his name from patients its nothing but praise. They LOVE this guy!! Seriously. He probably has more patients that any attending in the hospital. Overall, it was amazing to see the contrast. I guess in the end, all the matters is how you treat your patients. But I don't know if I could work along side my peers and treat them like garbage. I rather treat people as I would like to be treated.
God BLess
Dr.Mike